telling myself this is what i'm known for doing.... quiting.
i shouldn't quit all that i start.

anyway,
so i have two days until my ass is offically the military's property.
I already signed up and they have copies of my birth certificate as well as my mom's citizenship naturalization papers (because my mother's from Philippines).
I forgot two names on my Friends List. But I figure it's not that important.
I just have to remember that when I get interviewed I have to forget I ever knew those two people. that knew me over 7 years, or tell them it slipped my mind because I usually don't put them on my reference list.

so Sunday evening the Navy deeper will pick me up from my residence location (my home) and take me to the hotel where i will share a room with other female military recruits.
I'll have free dinner and breakfast and spend the night tehre as well... yeah, duh.
But after breakfast there's drug testing and other medical testing to make sure i'm medically okay for the military, especially healthy enough to attend boot camp.
They will test me to see what job would best suit me. Give me choices and I'll give them a list of three possible place I want to be stationed for my first post.
There are three naval bases in Japan. So there you go.




So, I am scared, nervous, excited and sad about leaving for the Navy (possibly going to Japan for several months). Boot camp is the least of my worries... I'm just afraid that I'll pass out or something. I've been in college long enough that I've been spending much of my time playing, working, attending class and studying to go to the gym or run a few laps more than once or twice a week.
So tomorrow I'll try to go to the gym and Saturday also.... or just Saturday.
Sunday I'm spending packing for boot camp just in case they fly me to boot camp in a couple of weeks.
Just the start of packing up.
If I don't go to boot camp until June or later than I'll be cleaning my room and packing clothes for boot camp and Japan... or whatever they station me.

I'm afraid because I won't know anyone whereever I go.
I'm afraid because if I go to Japan I'll be in a place thousands of miles from where my heart and my home is.
I'll be surrounded by people speaking Japanese. And as far as I've tried, Japanese is a hard language to acquire.

I'm scared that the navy may station me in same crazy ass place where I never wanted to go. Even though the recruiter told me that 9.5 times out of 10 i'll be flying to Japan and living and working there.

I'm excited because I'll finally get to have more of a selection for potential mates (boyfriends or whatever) I've always wanted to date someone half Japanese. I tried it once and I always liked it and kept it in mind.
This time it will be different though. I'll make friends and get to know them first before I jump into a serious relationship with them... think of it this way.... whether i jump in initially or much later... love is and will always be complicated as well as a pain in the ass.
Never just paradise. Never just sex and great converstaion.
There will be tears and possibly blood shed.
There will be light after dark.

I wish everyone luck in whatever they do and in making the right decisions.
I believe this is the best decision I've made in my whole life.
I wish everyone happiness wherever they go and fortune with whoever they are with.
I don't wanna stay here in Houston and wait for something to happen.
I don't wanna waste my mom's money anymore (now my dad's working, i'm just not used to saying its also his money).
I'm going to miss my family.
I'm going to miss my friends.
I'm going to miss my home, my car, my cats...
I won't miss the bullshit that goes along with living in the same place forever.


I'm listening to a song I used to sing when I was a child.... singing karaoke for my grandma and uncles/aunts. Maruah Carey - Forever

Do you remember being a little person looking up at everyone with innocent eyes?
Do you remember when a love between you anyone else was just a daydream?
Do you remember when your father held your small hand and led you through the grocery store? (in my case the local dollar stores)
Do you remember being excited about doing something for the very first time?
Looking down upon a child's face for the first time?
Hurting someone you love for the first time?
a time where a kiss on the cheek meant so much to you?
Do you remember when you broke your first heart?
Do you remember when you first got your heart broken?
Do you remember dancing with your father at a celebration?

I'm trying to fight the tears.
I haven't even left yet and I'm already ripping apart.